Do you smack your child(ren)?

Am following a fan page on Facebook and one of the status updates a few days ago asked its fans if they smacked their children in public on the legs or on the bum when they misbehaved.

Interestingly the response was mostly 50-50. Some have done so, some haven't and will not.

Those who had, did it because warnings and time outs have failed them while they were out and so a smack was issued. For some it was also a case of a dangerous act, like running across the road without waiting.

The other party who did not and refused to do it are against any form of physical punishment and deem it as an act of violence and abuse. One of them would have liked to 'report' some of the posts.

As I read the comments with interest and some disbelief, I must admit that I will smack my child in public if that's the last thing that will get the message across. I do smack at home too. And I do give warnings.

You may disagree with my point of view though.

I nearly smacked Miss 3 once for running across the road without waiting for me, which she was always told to do so. The best part was, she didn't even look out for cars. I went after her, with my big belly threatening to bounce off the body and gave her a stern lecture on the other side. The look on her face told me that she got the message and will not require a smack to enforce that message of danger. However, there were times when I was home and she would push boundaries. When 3 warnings and a time out didn't work, she got a smack on the bum.

I don't encourage physical punishment, although I grew up with them. The Bible says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24.

It does not promote punishment by the rod, but it does mean strict discipline by the parent. In love.

And when it comes to discipline, I have to admit that every child is different. There is no one set method that can be used to discipline every child.

And so, back to the discussion on the fan page. From what I've read, none of the parents sounded like they were abusive. And the reason behind the smack were mostly due to plenty of warnings given or in dangerous situations. Sphere: Related Content

Children Quotes

I'm into quotes recently. Just a phase, perhaps.. But good quotes are always entertaining and some thought-provoking.

Compiled a list of quotes on children and parents that I read online while searching for quotes for my Ling's List's Facebook Page.

So here goes, from some that I quite enjoyed..

From Quote Garden on children :

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring.  ~Liz Armbruster, on robertbrault.com

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.  ~Author Unknown

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing.  What!  Is it nothing to be happy?  Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long?  Never in his life will he be so busy again.  ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.  ~Bill Vaughan

Boy, n.:  a noise with dirt on it.  ~Not Your Average Dictionary

Little girls are cute and small only to adults.  To one another they are not cute.  They are life-sized.  ~Margaret Atwood

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age.  ~Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 1945

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.  ~Frank A. Clark

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.  ~Edgar W. Howe


From Quote Garden on parents :

There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children.  This time comes at the moment of conception.  A child needs a role model, not a supermodel.  ~Astrid Alauda, on the "hot mom" trend

Your children need your presence more than your presents.  ~Jesse Jackson

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum

It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too.  ~Lionel Kauffman

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.  ~Lane Olinghouse

The beauty of "spacing" children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones - which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones.  ~Sydney J. Harris

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.  ~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family

You will always be your child's favorite toy.  ~Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children, 1991

If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.  The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.  ~Frank Pittman, Man Enough

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen.  When they're finished, I climb out.  ~Erma Bombeck

The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles.  A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom.  The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.  ~Sloan Wilson

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.  ~John J. Plomp

A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it.  The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad.  ~John Andrew Holmes

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children."  ~Susan Savannah

It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com Sphere: Related Content

Still fighting sleep at 2.5years old

I'm exasperated by Miss 2.5 today. Refused to sleep. Cried and talked to herself for 1.5 hrs until I went in, made her shut up and lie down. Turned on some soft music and she fell asleep within 5 minutes.

It is especially annoying when I had other children trying to sleep.

For the first time, I felt like slapping her. Don't know where that thought came from, but I know I was boiling. Thank God, I didn't. Told her she's not getting any afternoon tea if she didn't sleep.

It's human nature, isn't it? I fight sleep too. Except, I probably am a little wiser in knowing that I won't be able to survive the following day if I don't get any decent rest.

Sigh, thank God for His grace and redemption. Our old sinful nature is always at work and needs the Holy Spirit's guidance all the time. Sphere: Related Content

I'm busy... I'm tired

Ask any mum, especially a new mum, how she is, and these are the two words commonly heard : busy, tired.

That was my standard answer too, for awhile after having Miss 2. Those sleepless nights trying to figure out what the fuss was about, reading up on parenting and settling babies, trying to get some sleep for my own sanity's sake, etc. I'm sure that with more children in the household, the madness increases.

Read this article on Kidspot : "Why don't friends with kids have time?"

One look at the title and you'd know that it was asked by someone who isn't a parent, or haven't been in contact with children enough.

The question was sent in to the Washington Post in 2007 and the journalist who responded gave her a blast!

I enjoyed it thoroughly and I hope you did too! Sphere: Related Content

Midnight wakings for a toddler

Just when we thought that Miss 2 is sleeping through the night, done with her teething for now, she came up with something else. Not really sure what it was. My guess would be either dreams or needing to urinate.

She is definitely more aware of her bladder and bowel movements as well as what goes on in her brain at night. There were times when she woke up screaming for mummy and would say that she's frightened. Slept in her room most of last night and could hear her calling out once in awhile in fright. Then there were times when she sounded like she was very uncomfortable and wanted to get out of something.

Apparently children do dream after googling on dreams and toddlers. They start dreaming as soon as they were born. This website, www.drgreene.com has an article on dreams and night terrors. You can read more about it here.

As much as I'd like to remove all forms of fear from my child, I realise too that it is a part of growing up. Learning to overcome fear is a form of problem solving and understanding oneself.

If dreams were not the reason of her wakings last night, then my next guess would be the need to urinate. She does tell us most times that she needs to go to the toilet. Sometimes after she has done it in her nappy, sometimes before. We put her up on the toilet anyway and let her decide in her own time when she can be in panties totally.

There are differing theories and methods to toilet training, and I agree to most that parents need to make a conscious effort in helping and guiding them to the toilet. However, as far as I am concerned, that's about all that a parent can do - to teach them what and how to do it. After that, it is up to the children to want to be on the toilet all the time.

Perhaps it is a security and comfort thing for children to want to get it done in their nappies. It is also probably the last thing that they can use to retain their 'babyhood'. Once that is gone, they would be 'all grown up'. So, I must say that it is really up to the child to move on in its life. After all, we are teaching children to make decisions and not force a decision upon them.

Hopefully, we'll have a better night tonight. Sphere: Related Content

Deliberate ignorance to tantrums

Having worked with children for nearly 10 years, I have learnt that deliberate ignorance can be very helpful in getting a point across. It works when children throw a tantrum and demand my immediate attention.

I find that the fastest way to get them to stop throwing a tantrum is by ignoring it. Attended a Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) programme couple of years back and it also mentioned ignoring tantrums on purpose.

By ignoring the tantrum, the adult (teacher, guardian, parent, etc.) is giving out the message that tantrums do not get their way. Tantrums usually occur when children do not have things their own way and their only "reasonable" method of asserting their desire is by screaming, yelling, crying, kicking, etc.

To be honest, I enjoy watching children go into a tantrum fit. It happens more to children under 3 years old where they think they're the kings and queens of the world and everything belongs to them and should obey them.

When I meet a strong-willed child who demands or snatches a toy out of others' hands and would not take turns, I'd sit back, relax and let the child go into a fit. I don't know if you have ever watched a child throw a tantrum before - if you haven't, try it. It's quite amusing, but the initial few times could be difficult in restraining yourself from picking the child up and giving in.

When a child goes into a temper, nothing I say will get across. I'm also not inclined to fight a temper child, after being kicked a few times in my early years as a child care worker. So, I'll just make sure that there's nothing harmful in the child's way and let him/her kick his way and vent the frustrations. It is rather interesting watching them.

First, they cry and tears flow. They might kick viscously, depending on the nature of the child. Screaming and yelling is probably inevitable.

The second stage of the tantrum throwing involves more screaming and more kicks, with some tears. The child starts to look in the adult's direction to make sure that the adult is still looking.

The third stage comes the forced and fake tears, less screaming and kicking, probably running out of steam. This stage has the child making sure that the adult's watching before the screams come.

The final stage has the child sulking and ignoring people, sometimes deliberately hurting another child.

I go to the child at the sulking stage, give him/her a hug and talk to him/her why the demands were not met and that throwing a tantrum will not get him/her anywhere with me. Half the time, the child ignores me, but I know that the words I say sink in a lot more better than when I try to yell over their screaming voices.

The child might get into another tantrum another day over something, but it will not be as strong as the first tantrum, because he/she would know that no matter how long the tantrum lasts, I'll still not give in.

It's not that there is no room for negotiation for their demands, but that I'm teaching them to ask and wait for a response rather than scream and cry. I want them to say what they feel instead of throwing a tantrum. Children will also learn from a young age that not everything that they want will be given to them. It'll help them to be better communicators when they grow up. For children over 3 years old, I get them to tell me how they feel instead of sulking and yelling.

Children learn by example and it helps them to learn how to express themselves when adults can model good verbal communication by expressing their thoughts and feelings in proper words. No swearing.

Next time you meet a temper tantrum, try ignoring it and come back to talk about it. Love the person, but condone any bad behaviour. Sphere: Related Content